Long Reflections, Part One: My First Article Of The Year
Family, Life, Career, Work, And Small Talk About Other Things
It's A Very New Year!
Happy New Year! (I know, right, it’s very late.)
Hello, friends. It's Ayinla Daniel. I should have published this piece at the end of last year, but I fell lazy and decided to complete and publish it over two and a half months! That's almost three months!
Last year was fantastic—an adventurous one filled with many mountain-top moments and valley ones.
I made plenty of good decisions last year. Decisions I am really proud of. And I had my fair share of challenges.
In this long article, which was (supposed) to be the last one for 2023 and the first for 2024, I write about the significant things that happened to me in 2023. In addition, I will write a bit about what this year may look like.
Most of the things I will write about will become bigger topics and themes I will expand on later in the year.
So, sit down, relax, and enjoy the long read.
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The "Family First" Principle Of Life
As I write this article, my wife is listening to an online cross-over service on YouTube while my daughter sleeps on her lap and my sisters are busy preparing for the new year. I am spending the end of the year with family, and it has been a very refreshing experience—an almost magical one.
Seeing my old man after some time, discussing life with him and talking with my ever-energetic mother, who is always doing one thing or the other. She has been someone so full of energy, a very strong and determined woman.
Interacting with my brothers and sisters has made me connect with them more deeply. And if you have observed (those close to me and follow me), I haven't been very active online lately. It's an intentional step I took to build a real connection with family.
I set aside all my other commitments to focus on family for a while, and I must confess that it has been a rewarding experience. You should try it.
Don't say you don't have the time. We have enough time for the things we respect, cherish, and adore.
I mean, enough time.
If you study the lives of very successful people, you will observe that they have created a system that gives them enough time to always connect and interact with their families.
Yes, they may be swamped, but they have discovered the importance of keeping family close.
Family gives us that warmth and love we would never find anywhere. They may be your biological family or the family you have acquired as you experience life.
This year, I urge you to keep your family close to your heart—very close!
The Lessons I Have Learned So Far As A Husband, Father And Leader:
I have been a husband for some time now and a father for about a year and six months, and I have learned a lot.
In this section, I will share some core lessons.
These are not the lessons I read in a best-seller book or conference, but the ones I have learned from my mistakes and victories as a young man, husband, and father.
You are not perfect. Be ready to make mistakes, be humble enough to ask forgiveness from those you offend, and be prepared to forgive yourself.
Your wife will make mistakes, and she expects you to forgive her and forge a path of forgiveness for both of you. Women are beautiful beings. Men need to learn the act and art of patience to really enjoy them.
According to science, having your first child will change your life and may "shrink your brain. " I feel like it happened to me. I am pretty sure I experienced (and am still experiencing) it. Read more about it here. Oh! It's good shrinking that helps you become a good dad. When you marry and start having kids, your life changes. You no longer put yourself first. You become more conscious of the needs of your family before your own. Your heart becomes larger, and there's more space to accommodate others. To accommodate their shortcomings and recognize their strengths. There's something fatherhood does to you. It transforms you. More on this later, and why fatherhood doesn't change all men, and the strong connections between fatherhood and leadership.
You need to learn how to make the right decisions. Your tomorrow's success as a man is heavily dependent on making the right decisions today. And you can master the art of making the right decisions. I will write more about this later.
Learn to take responsibility for your life. One of society's biggest problems today is that many young men do not want to take responsibility for their lives. They keep looking for who or what to blame for their failures. I learned something very important about taking responsibility before I got married: no one can ever live your life for you. Your life belongs to you. And you must take total control of it. It doesn't matter if you didn't go to college or university or if you had a traumatic childhood or whatever. This life is yours, and you must be responsible. Never blame anybody or anything. Seize it and strive to make the most of it.
Be ready to grow out of your shell. Do not be afraid to learn new things, change your career, acquire new skills, and venture out there to be a better version of yourself. Many men will die without discovering their potential. They die unfilled because they didn't go out there and seize the moment. I have learned that, as a man, there are opportunities that will come to you in life that will require you to grow and develop into them. And if you can't stand up to the challenge of growth and creating more capacity within, you will indeed be left behind.
Tradition and culture should not be your prison as a young man or husband. Some old traditions and cultures still hold many young men bound today and stifle their connections with their wives and families. I saw many of these cultural patterns begin to play around me subtly, and it took a conscious effort on my path to deal with them and terminate them immediately. Your wife is not inferior to you. She's part of you, and you're incomplete without her by your side. The opposite of this truth is one culture that has hurt many young marriages and relationships. Your wife is not your rival. If you fight her, you fight yourself. If you deliberately prevent her from growing and getting better, you are only butchering yourself. Young men, take note.
You are never late. I see some young men trying to rush to do certain things in life, and I can only tell them that patience is vital. The patient man isn't wasting his time. He's waiting, learning, and preparing. The patient man knows when to wait and when to take action.
Patience is the crown of great men. A man who is patient with his wife will surely live long. Patience is the biggest balm of marriage. I took this advice to heart during my marriage counselling, and it has helped us a lot.
I have a lot to share with you, especially the young men. I'll stop here for now for the purpose of this essay. In another dedicated one, I'll expand on the issues I have shared with you in this section. You don't want to miss it.
If you have read this far, I can only guess that you are interested in my thoughts and philosophies. Why not subscribe for free and join me on my learning journey?
On Being Consistent
Starting something is not the problem. Continuing and finishing is the big deal.
One of the few proven ways to measure true success is its longevity and how long it has survived.
Before you start anything, always ensure that you are counting the costs.
I love the scriptural teaching about the man who wants to build a tall building. He must first count the costs and ensure he's ready to undertake the project.
Consistency is a habit. You can develop it. I discovered this truth when I started taking online writing seriously. And the big reason why many people are not consistent is simply because they are not ready to nurture the habit of being consistent.
Anyone can be consistent with whatever they want to do. I recommend you study James Clear's Atomic Habit. That book isn't just another best-seller. It's a manual. If you want to build and be consistent with good habits, I encourage you to study that book. I did a little personal study on it last year. You can check it out here:
Final Lessons Of James Clear's Better Habit Building Course
Hello there, wonderful, smart, and strong you! How have you been doing? Let me welcome you again to a new month. I would congratulate you if you utilized the 31 days in January well. You have February right in front of you. Use February well. Use it even better.
More on the habit of being consistent later.
My Plans For The Year
This year is going to be a straightforward year for me. I am cleaning my closet, decluttering my folders, and focusing on what truly matters.
So, you won't find me everywhere doing everything. I will just be at the places that matter, doing the things that truly matter to me.
I am cutting away many sugar relationships—relationships that don't add anything to you—and I will take my time to nurture the ones that enrich my life and contribute to my destiny as a father, leader, writer, and entrepreneur.
As for projects, I am so excited to let you know that I am dropping a bunch of projects that were heavy burdens for me last year.
It may not be for you if you find yourself grinding through a project and being bitter about it.
When we love something, even when it becomes hard and tiring, we keep doing it because we love it, and because of the love we put into it, it always comes out with a distinct flavour. Unlike projects, you are forced to do without love or genuine interest.
This year, I am focusing on growing my businesses and nurturing leadership relationships.
At Care City, we are giving our website a significant face-lift and preparing to resume publishing. We should be up and ready before the end of March. Once we are done, I will definitely let you know. It's a whole lot of work.
So, if you are a healthcare professional interested in leadership, innovation, entrepreneurship, and digital health, you should subscribe to all of our newsletters and follow us.
Our general newsletter on Substack is Care City Weekly. Check it out here. Our newsletter dedicated to digital health is The Digital Health Report; you can check it out here.
We haven't resumed publishing this year yet, but this article is gradually going to open the door to resumption.
I told myself I wouldn't do anything this year until I published this article on Unbounded. And now that I have finally published it, I feel so light and free!
Wow!
I have a ton of things I want to share with you! And I am so excited to share them with you, from family, leadership, entrepreneurship, business, and more—you name it. There's so much to learn!
Products, Design & Solution
I want to focus heavily on design, products, and solutions this year.
I think we have enough people complaining.
It's time to join the few people solving problems.
I want to be among the few guys solving problems.
So, this year, I will look at my immediate surroundings and identify the problems I can help solve.
The world rewards problem-solvers. If you can solve big problems, you will get big rewards.
My Writing Journey
I will write more this year. I was impressed with the effort I put into writing last year. This year, my writing will be simpler and easier to understand.
Simplicity is more and full of power.
This year, I will return to writing fiction and nonfiction stories. I can't wait to share these stories with you and have you enjoy them with me.
There might be a separate publication for all the fiction and stories. I am still thinking about it (maybe I'll have to revive an old blog of mine...hmmm).
That's it for now. I wish I could continue, but I don't want to bore you with too many words.
Let's prepare for the year. It's already been two months.
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I am also active on Twitter and LinkedIn. We have a lot of learning and growing to do together.
Your friend in the school of innovation and leadership.
Ayinla Daniel (BigDan).
Family is not the most important thing; family is everything. Thanks for sharing, Big Dan!
You're welcome, back Big Dan. I'm always enthusiastic to read your writings. I'm so glad you're back.
Simplicity is powerful! That statment so much resonates with me. I await more of your writing.